Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Electrocution IS pretty bad

I graduated from college without ever taking any English or math of any kind. Zero. Freshman English? Nope. Calculus, zip. No American Heritage either, which was a required GE credit. In fact, my bachelor's degree in International Relations may be technically phony due to a beneficent grade advanced to me by a certain anthropology professor. You see, I was due to turn in the write-up of my field notes from a study excursion in Namibia, and this professor agreed to let me turn them in post-graduation, promising that when I did he would change my grade from an expectant C to a satisfied A. It's been 8 years, and I'm not making a lot of progress on said field notes. I think about it once in a while, and I believe in following through with what you commit to do, so maybe one of these days, I'll resume the tedious transcription of the dusty tapes buried in a box in the garage that every so often I have to rescue from the garbage pile when my husband decides to spring clean. The word is still out on whether I actually needed the credits from that anthropology class for the required number of credits to graduate. I think I'm good.

So I never took any creative writing classes. This isn't an apology so much as an explanation. I tell stories in an abrupt fashion, as if not to undersestimate the listener's ability to grasp my meaning. When I was 16 I won tickets from the radio to a screening of So I Married An Axe Murderer. You may remember the scene where Charlie and Harriet go out with their friend Tony and his date. They are sharing "there's nothing worse than" scenarios and when it's the date's turn, she says "being electrocuted." They look at her, expecting more, and that's it. That's all she had. And I SO related! That's how I tell stories. Really horribly, with little elaboration.

So enjoy. And leave all the comments you care to eat. It's a super-buffet of dialogue.

11 comments:

Stephen said...

This is why you married me. I took many an English class (even a few creative writing) in college, and I take a long time to tell stories. Actually, it's an inherited trait. You've probably noticed that my parents spend several hundred words in their letters just to explain what they're having for dinner, and what the weather's like. But really, you're more like that too. Notice that you told us the whole story of the Namibia class just to convince us that you weren't an English major--and the whole story of the Ax murderer film just to illustrate that you were to the point. In literature they call that "unreliable narrator".

Anyway, this should be fun. Congrats on adding to the human experience dialog. I'll have to check in frequently, deflect some of your humility, and let everybody know that you're really one of the best writers and story-tellers I know.

Emily said...

Touche. It did take me a long time to say that I don't take a long time to tell things. Next up: my essay on what we ate for dinner last night.

Carly said...

Yay! Now you can give me more Tucson advice. So...where is a good place to get a somewhat risky haircut?

Welcome to the blog world.

Marcy Dibbleblotts said...

Excellent.

I tell long stories. I get it from skewedview.

Suzie Petunia said...

MY HEART OVERFLOWETH to see you posting in the blogosphere! Welcome, welcome Emily!

You are one of the smartest people I know. I've known that forever and been looking forward to hearing more from you than a comment here and there for almost just as long. You've made my day!

Zookeenee said...

You should get IBM VIA Voice or something to transcribe your notes. I use it at work and it works bretty well. Anyway, welcome to blogging. Now if only you can get Steve to post chapters of his novel online!

sarah said...

"superbuffet of dialogue"...pretty descriptive, maybe even creative!

I have to say, I am not a fan of BLOGGING in general. Why is that we think the rest of the world has time to read the minutia of our lives. Funny thing is, we do it and love it! Yours is great! I am happy to say that I will live vicariously through your blog because much of what you say I have lived second-hand. Or at least I can identify with. In short, as long as you have this nifty little connection to the rest of the ciber-world, I can remain silently blog-free! (I was computer-, internet-, and email- free for a long time too - but I have to draw the line somewhere.)

Emily said...

Sarah, be sure and tell Mark I am going to talk lots and lots about Steve and the intimate details of our marriage. I think he will really enjoy that.

sarah said...

that'd be great! do you have any nursing photos?

Kacy said...

So glad you finally started this thing up. Just who is this Emily person, anyway?

Emily said...

Kacy, I'm your fan. That's all you need to know.