Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Tales of an Inquisitive Neighbor, Part 1

I have a neighbor who is obsessed with me being pregnant.

Which I'm not.

Which, I have not even discussed with her the possibility of such a thing happening in the near future, except for that time last week when she came up behind me at her son's birthday party, stuck her face over my right shoulder and said point blank, "So when are you going to get pregnant again?" and my answer was, "It will happen when it happens," by which, of course, I meant, "This is none of your business. I do not wish to discuss it with you" and which of course she interpreted as, "Emily is taking no action to prevent pregnancy."

So today, she sees me get out of my car wearing workout clothes. She crosses my yard and says, "Exercising, huh? Trying to get in shape before the stress of the baby?"

"Um, what?" I ask. " What baby?"

"My husband and I have been trying to guess if you're pregnant. I have been wrong a few times before, but he can always tell. It must be the glow."

"If I'm pregnant??"

Big smile. "Are you?"

"No. I'm not pregnant. What made you think that?"

"You told me you weren't doing anything to prevent getting pregnant."

"No, I never said anything like that."

"You said, 'It will happen when it happens.'"

"Ahh. I see. Well, I'm not pregnant and I'm not trying to get pregnant," I answer, by which, of course, I mean, "This is none of your business. I do not wish to discuss this with you."

Stay tuned for more inappropriate and invasive neighborly inquiries that are sure to follow. She never lets me down in that department.

10 comments:

neil and diana said...

are you pregnant?

Emily said...

None of your freaking business!! (No.)

Mormon Family Man said...

I learned the hard way that if you think a woman might be pregnant, it's better not to ask--it might just be that she has a bit of a belly.

amye said...

Except that Emily doesn't have a belly. Perhaps your neighbor is living vicariously through you. SHE wants to be pregnant. Here's my favorite PG story. Wasn't fun then, but it's fun to tell now. Paula loves this one. Several years ago in my freshman women's choir, in the middle of rehearsal, a girl suddenly raised her hand, and point-blank asked me, "Are you pregnant?" Well, that pretty much threw me for a loop, but I answered, "Uh, no, I'm 50 years old, and I'm just fat." Wish I would have said, "Why no, are you?"

BeautifulDisaster said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
secretsin said...

People are nosy like that...But I have a story that tops this.

One of my friends is 23. She looks around 15, she's been married since she was 21. She is now pregnant. She got used to the sympathetic looks from stangers thinking she was a teen mom, and some peopl just staring...

But one day when she was in Target, a woman walked up to her, placed her hand on her stomch and sighed sympathetically and said "Dear, shouldn't you be in school?" She brushed it off, and tried to walk off, but the woman said after her: "My son is looking to adopt, are you planning to keep your baby?"

Her response was perfect. She pointed at her wedding ring and said (Quite pissed by now) "married!" then she pointed to her stomach and said "Planned" and walked off without another word.

Lorien said...

I think you should just start telling your Inquisitive Neighbor lies. Have a little fun. "Why, yes, I'm a surrogate mother and was just impregnated." Or "Oh, no. We don't believe in sex anymore."

Lianne said...

I loooooove being fat and Fifty... and having people ask ME if I'm pregnant.

It's a beautiful thing to say, "Yes, it's a food baby."

congratulations on your impending fertility. :)

Carly said...

Why is it that people think pregnancy is public information and that it is completely fine to ask these kinds of questions, or, worse, touch your stomach without permission?

Steve said...

I hear that, back in my grandmother's day, pregnancy was not a public topic. Preagnant women stayed in the house past the first trimester until their "condition" improved--ie, they gave birth. Maybe we should just go back to that; then there wouldn't be any public questions.