1. If you're cool and you blog (wait, are those two mutually exclusive??), you gotta have a Halloween post.
2. I am inexplicably drawn to, possessive of, and willing to fight for the Butterfinger bars in the kids' giant tub o' loot. I do not eat Butterfingers at any other time of the year.
3. If you go to the mall for trick or treating, you better like Tootsie Rolls and stickers.
4. Tootsie Rolls + decaying crowns and/or cavities = not a good idea.
5. Painted hermit crabs from the mall kiosk that have been abandoned in apartment complex hallway will attack if approached.
6. Creative costumes are overrated.
7. Sixteen-year-olds who trick-or-treat need to get a life.
8. Sixteen-year-olds who dress up as suicide bombers and push the buttons on the timers strapped to their chests and threaten to blow up your house after they have just taken candy from you are irresponsible and in extreme need of getting a life. (What, you don't like Sweetarts?)
9. Six-year-olds who want to change costumes mid-evening from Spiderman to the "grim reefer", consisting of a scary mask, blanket tied around the neck, and sword attached to the end of the broom, ought to be allowed to do just that.
10. The Grim Reefer is a much better name than the Grim Reaper.
11. Three Halloween parties/events in one weekend are too much for this holiday scrooge.
12. Being a holiday scrooge is an inherited trait.
13. Purple kitchens are dope.