Wednesday, May 23, 2007

What can brown do for you?

This happened five minutes ago.

I just came home from swimming with Isaac and Norah at a friend's house. I took off my swimsuit and was about to jump in the shower when Norah and Isaac both made it perfectly clear they each wanted to be fed first. Aware of the open blinds, I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around me while I found some food for Isaac. Then I grabbed Norah, shedding the blanket, and sat on the couch furthest from the windows, and began to nurse her, all the while thinking--(hoping)--about how my neighbors wouldn't be able to see me, even if they did look out their windows.

At the very moment that I was pondering my naked condition and thinking about the open windows and basking in the freedom to be naked in your own house if you want to be--surprise!--a head showed up from out of nowhere, walking past the window towards the door, package in hand. And of course, looking straight at me through the window. D'oh! Naturally, my reaction oozed grace and suaveness: with a look of utter horror on my face, I jumped off the couch with Norah, fully exposing my naked self to the UPS guy, and sprinted into the kitchen, where I cowered behind the bar counter.

He didn't ring the doorbell.

He left me these:



Wasn't that nice of him? I'm pretty sure I gave him something, in return: a good laugh with the guys back at the loading dock.

Note: Let it be known that I chose to blog about this immediately, so I still sit, this time wearing a blanket and some new red flats, in front of the open windows facing the street. Lesson not learned.

19 comments:

Angela said...

that's pretty much an awesome story. and some awesome shoes to go with!

Stve said...

"My blood runs cold. My memory has just been sold [or at least picked up for delivery]." (Some pretty good benefits to being a UPS driver.) What if it had been Lorri or Rob?

Abby said...

That is soooo funny! But worth it (cute shoes!).

We have a bamboo-type screen on our front window that is see-through at night when our lights are on. Didn't figure that one out for awhile. Think I gave the neighborhood a little show for a few weeks.

Nancy said...

Okay now that is hilarious. I'm pretty sure you aren't the first naked person the UPS man has seen. That would be my luck, I'll learn from your story!

Kelly said...

that is awesome! i love it. i'm sure you made his day.

Anonymous said...

ha . . ha . . that's a great story. I love the cowering under the counter part. Amye

Mandy said...

Thanks for the good laugh.

Christen said...

That is a great story...as I read it I didn't realize until Brooklyn asked "Mom why are you smiling?" that I had a big smile on my face! Thoughts going through my head envisioning me in your place and then thinking that all of us at different times make that mad dash through the house in the nude paranoid that someone may see but always figuring that it's nearly impossible for someone to catch us right at that time!

Then it made me think of bookclub at Marilyn's when a few women shared similar stories, but I have to say you take the cake, eat it and lick the platter clean!

Christen said...

By the way adorable flats!

Claire said...

I read this earlier and have been laughing about it ever since. Oh! I can't imagine what I'd even do. Only order FedEx from now on or something. Too bad you didn't have Shaq's suit coat to cover your naked bod!

Kristine said...

that is so funny it's worth a comment Emily!:) I have been laughing out loud for about 5 minutes. And I thought swimming was exciting...that definitely beats all!

sarah said...

You'll never be able to look directly at your UPS man again.

Cute shoes!

Alice said...

That is hilarious! Super cute shoes!

AmyJune said...

That is too funny. Oh the joys of nursing.

Neil and Diana said...

You are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny!

Emily said...

Thank the heavens it wasn't Rob or Lorrie!

AzĂșcar said...

EMILY!

I LOVE it!

I bet "seeing naked people" is in the benefits package at UPS.

Kiki said...

You're such an exhibitionist!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous Elinor I must admit I didn't confess when it happened to me, thankfully many years ago the first time. I, too, had a new baby and finally got a minute to dash to the shower. I threw off my robe, then decided to go to the closet near our big bedroom window to get something to wear after the shower, and oops, there stood our neighbor and his 2 teenage sons working on a common fence a few feet away and their yard up above ours so a direct view into our window. I was horrified and when I finally got brave enough to back out of the closet all 3 men had their backs to the window, still working. No one ever said a word, and I was glad they were so honorable. Next time it happened it was anothe neighbor, same place, same scenario, years later, only this time the neighbor was a new move in a lady with her new friend also female, admiring the plants in her yard, which by the way, sits higher than our window with a direct view into it. I seldom saw her in the back yard again. I don't blame her, but I also am a lot more careful about that window view. On the other hand, when our neighbors across the street completed their remodeling we were horrified to find their new bathroom had a window directly over their tub. If the light is on, we close our blinds. I think they finally put up a shade, but what a strange place for a bathroom window, even a glazed one. Their bedroom window faces the other street and the neighbor who got that view finally called and told them she was tired of seeing all that went on in their bedroom. Oops. They still don't speak. Surely they knew when it was dark out and a light on inside...? They did put up blinds.