If today is your birthday, and you are 80, and you are my grandma, happy birthday. Thank you for your part in my library of happy childhood memories. For taking me to King's and buying me coloring books, and in later years, embroidery floss so I could make those awesome friendship bracelets in a cool array of colors. For having a bar on the side of your house (on "The Bar") that I could swing around and think I was cool, even though Sarah was always better at tricks than I. For enduring yet another trip to the cheese factory so we could get squeaky cheese. For having such a glamorous job as weather forecaster at the radio station, and letting me go with you to the weather center, so I could watch how you look up at the clouds and make the forecast. For playing the piano with that one finger missing, and fascinating me with the story of how you cut it off with an axe while chopping wood, and then picked up the finger and carried it to the hospital (always fiercely independent, you). For an endless supply of Schwan's orange creamsicle push-ups. For exposing me to your entire collection of Jack Weyland novels. For having strawberries in your backyard, and a sandbox. Thank you for being a caring and wonderful Grandma.
And, if today is your birthday, and your name is Nathan, and you wanted to marry me back in the day, happy birthday to you, too. Enjoy being 34, wherever you are, and you are very welcome for breaking up with you.