Monday, October 08, 2007

Ignorance

I actually own some nylons. I'm sure I do. They haven't been worn for five or eight years, but I know I have some. Maybe some tights, too -- that I'm not so sure about.

All of my nylons and maybe tights are where (here, if I believed in making up percentages that have no substantiation, which I definitely do not, I might say) 92% of my belongings currently are. Do I think that I am defined by my belongings? I most certainly do not. I don't even like belongings very much, but the fact remains that I own nylons and they are in storage.

Oh inhabitants of Utah and cold weather places: please inform! What do cool people do with the leg covering situation in the throes of wintery weather? Are bare legs kosher? Did I just make an anti-Semitic comment? I read that Carol Gotbaum converted to Judaism when she got married. Is it wrong that I feel kind of defensive about Sky Harbor airport when her husband speaks at her funeral about how if only one person would have helped her, she would be alive today? I digress. Is it okay to wear nylons in 2007? Black? Off-black? Nude? Tan? Should I buy Spanx toeless nylons? Should I wear opaque tights? Are there fabrics of skirts/dresses that just don't go well with opaque tights? Will I look like a fool if I stick to what I know best, which is b.a.r.e.? Where should I go to purchase hosiery, and how much should I spend? Is there any word in the English language more repulsive than 'hosiery'?

On Sunday Steve and I took Elliot to the Conference Center for Sunday Morning session, and we had a most wonderful time with our firstborn. There was a brief moment of panic while I was getting dressed, as there is every Sunday, when I remember that I both hate and have no access to nylons of any kind. Yesterday I solved that problem by wearing black boots. But I can't hide behind black boots for the next 7 months. I need your advice.

24 comments:

Abby said...

Nylons are out.
Buy opaque tights or maybe some flashy fishnets.

You're funny.

Alice said...

My advice: get some brown boots, and alternate them with your black ones. Or take Abby's advice.

It's tragic that Carol Gotbaum died, but I'm convinced that no one at Sky Harbor did anything wrong. I'm inclined to defend the Phoenix Police and Sky Harbor, rather than side with some NYC "power family."

Natalie said...

Um...can't help in the hosiery department. But a more repulsive word...how about "uvula"? Hate it.

Angela said...

I go bare. I hate nylons too much, and if you ask me, they don't make you any warmer. I did have an older woman in my ward bear her testimony of wearing nylons to church. "It's very classy". I still don't wear them. I own a pair that I wear only when I am going to the church office building (it's required attire for the women folk there). I could never work at the church office building. Also, I agree with Alice, and alternate black and brown boots.

Angela said...

Oh, and another repulsive word: moist. Ever since I heard a boys apartment at the Rivera described as "moist".

AzĂșcar said...

I haven't worn nylons in years.

Not even after a lady at church told me last winter that I needed some nylons because I looked cold. I didn't want to tell her that if there's anything worse than nylons, it's MATERNITY nylons.

Abby is right.

Buy them at TJ Maxx, Kohl's, or Target.

Nancy said...

I hate nylons too, I'd go with tights, I also have this problem every time I'm in Utah.

Eliza said...

I worked at the COB and pretty much ignored the nylons rule. Lots and lots of women do.

Opaque, patterned, textured, lace, and fishnets are all favorites of mine for the colder months. As are boots. I think a pair each of black and one other color (be it brown, red, blue...) is basic enough to get you through the winter, as far as boots go. For tights I like black, gray, brown, and a few muted colors.

And you will probably notice that lots of women in Utah go bare legged in the winter. I definitely did, a whole lot of the time. Church buildings are heated; plus if you wear a longish coat you are covered if you have to be outside for very long. Although if it is a non-church thing you are wearing a skirt for, I'd go for the tights.

No one brought up footless tights...all I can say about those is it takes a certain kind of woman to pull those off if you are over the age of 18 or 19.

Eliza said...

(and just to clarify about that last bit about wearing tights for non-church things...I just meant if you are going to be outside much or wearing a skirt all day. Church is only 3 hours and all inside, so what's the point?)

Nude nylons are icky and run so easily...I had a pair of nude fishnets. They weren't bad.

{natalie} said...

my husband hates nude nylons so i don't have any. but every sunday i'm faced w/the same dilemma. i think i have one pair of off-black hose and i never remember until 10 mins before church. i think this year i'm going to try to find some funky tights. we'll see.

thanks for stopping at costco today. i felt slightly famous. haha. keep saying hi, i'm there all the time!!

Catherine said...

I wear boots almost every week with all sorts of ugly nonmatching socks underneath (no one sees them). I love my fishnets too--the nude ones are great! I hope you are doing okay--I keep meaning to call and check on you. Hang in there! Hey--my sister said she saw you at Costco today. I told her it was not fair that she got to run into you and I didn't!

Becky said...

I'm loving the nude fishnets I see lately. I could only find chocolate brown at Target, so I'm still looking for a nude pair.

The problem with tights and longer skirts is then you've got to get a slip or you'll stick to your legs. . . yikes! If the skirt is long enough, just hide behind your boots!

Hosiery. . .it's a true dilemma.

lys said...

I pretty much wear boots with skirts all fall/winter long. When I get tired of wearing one of my million pairs of boots, I'll do fishnets with heels. I'll do anything not to wear "hosiery." That terrible, terrible word. . .

MarySue said...

Loved reading all you chic young womens advice. This old gal really wants to be hip. I think chic and hip rate up there with hosiery, moist and my girls hate it when I use the word panties!!

Bek said...

You are funny. I also never know what to do about the nylon/tights issue.

Glad you are figuring it out. When does you stuff come out of storage?

Nena said...

Emily,

Got your sweet and thoughtful note in the mail. Thank you. Will keep your address to send snail mail letters. I still love to get them. I think my mother is the only person today that still sends a note in the mail just to say hello. I will try to keep up that tradition. It is just too easy nowadays with e-mail - just instant gratification for everyone. Instead of running to the mail box - we run to our PC's! Oh yes, I knew I commented for a reason - my advice on nylons...I think we could delete that word all together and replace with tights - just more hip - and you are hip. Check the catalogue from your favorite store Anthropologie - their use of tights will make you not want to find the box with all your nylons in it. I would say anything goes -the funkier the better.

Emily said...

1. so sorry your life is in storage; it kind of makes my stomach hurt when I'm separate from my stuff.
2. Nylons? I got nothin' -- but everyone else's opinions seem good, so I think you're all set.
3. Hope you're all settling. Hope you're not hypothermic. Hope Steve's liking his job. And that everyone's happy. Moving is hard. I know. We've done it like twelve times in four years. And I'm not exaggerating. Hearts to you.

c jane said...

Here is my advice about nylons: The Nazis invented them.

pam said...

Laurie and I are loving our calling at the MTC. But every time I and all the sister missionaries step on that campus, we have to be wearing nylons. I guess I'll have to get high boots or tights and that will cover the situation.

Nate said...

Kristine thought it was too weird for me to comment on this post, but I laughed so hard I just had to anyway. I remember when Kristine sent me to the store and she had to explain to me the difference between nylons and tights. I had no idea.

Kalli Ko said...

I feel very passionately about this topic. Nylons are for old ladies. Tights look really cute, but I struggle with them too. It's the pinchy pinchy waist bands, they get me every time.

I bet thin people like tights. I like them for about an hour and then it's over.

On time I hyperventilated in the middle of a sealing thanks to too tight tights. say that 10 times fast.

Emily said...

Thanks, you all. Tights, bare legs, or boots it shall be. Nate, tell Kristine I thought it was awesome that you commented on this post, so there.

Claire said...

Emily praise you for bringing this question up and your friends for answering. My Sundays will never be the same.

Callie said...

This post hits home for me, as I now live in a cold weather climate as well, and I too, hid behind some black boots at church the other week....sigh, its a tough one, but I actually went and bought some nylons last week, and I actually wore them to church on Sunday. I felt like an old lady, but everyone else wears them in my ward, so I figure we can look this way together. I think opaque tights look nice only with a skirt and shoes of the same color...that may be my next experiment.