Maintain this

We went to a movie as a family this afternoon. Calvin lasted  -2 minutes, which is to say I left with the wiggly squiggly child before the opening credits rolled. Had been meaning to get some maintenance done on the van, so pulled up to BigO:

Hi, I think I ought to get the 120,000 mile service done on my van. It has 133,000 miles and I've never done that before. What does that entail? Please infer: I'm willing to spend a lot of money, and I don't really know what the car needs because I'm a girl, so please take advantage of my gullibility.

Not sure, I'd have to look up your specific model. Let me pull it around back and take a look at everything.

Everything looks great. You seemed to have maintained your car really well. You don't need anything done.

Wow. I appreciate your honesty. But are you sure you don't want to sell me some service that's really expensive? The front end shakes...

I can fix that. It's just the tires that need to be rebalanced.

...and I'm probably due for a cooling system flush. Did you look at that? Need to be changed?

It looks okay. We can change it if you want because it's usually a good idea this time of year, but I'd say not necessary.

I've noticed my brakes have been squeaky. Did you look at the brakes?

I already took care of that. We just brushed the dust out.

Hmm, what about my spark plugs? Do I need a tune-up? I've never had one of those.

Your spark plugs look old but not original, and unless the car is acting sluggish, I wouldn't change them. It'll run a few hundred dollars.

Well, it doesn't get great power going uphill. Would new spark plugs help that?

Hey lady! Basically, I'm trying to tell you that we rebalanced your tires for free and your car doesn't need any work, so don't fight it.

Really? All righty then. Thanks so much and have a nice day.