Dear City of Phoenix,
Thanks for keeping in touch. It's nice that you've sent me two letters in the last three days, even though I was only visiting for a week. I wonder if you'll send more? And those pictures you took of me! Not bad, even though I'm not smiling in them and my sunglasses are covering my eyes. I have to say, I never really gave Bethany Home Road and the I-17 much thought before your letters, but that is one happening place. It's like there is a paparazzo stationed there, just waiting to catch me out and about -- say, on my way to see my sister-in-law in Mesa, or my brother in Tucson -- tracking my every mile per hour. The part in each of the letters about owing you money... $181.50 per each, I believe it was. Well, that part we'll have to negotiate at a later date. If you're really serious about that, you'll need to send someone to my house to properly explain. I choose not to take letters in the mail too seriously.
Well, thanks again. I still like you and am glad you haven't forgotten me. Provo City sends me mail asking for money, too, but that's because I use electricity and sewer and stuff. Their mail never includes a personalized photo.
See one of your hired hands soon? We live under the "Y." You can't miss it.
P.S. -- You're welcome for all the tourist tax dollars I spent... IN JULY.